Fleas
by ReadyRead
Summary: Chapter 2 Up. "Carmelita...is that a...flea collar I see?"
1. Chapter 1

Carmelita was angry, no furious! Someone she worked around, someone she probably hardly ever had a conversation with, had the nerve to come to work today. For today of all days, a coworker came into work with fleas. Yes fleas.

At first everyone seemed to be a little bit itchy at times, and shrugged it off, but after chatting among each other it didn't seem like a coincident anymore. Oh boy was Chief Barkley mad when he found out his boys…err and girls…in blue had a problem focusing on their jobs when everyone was scratching, whimpering, and gnawing at themselves. It was humiliating to see his team struggle to capture criminals in the city and talk among citizens in fear of passing the annoying little critter around. Thank goodness it was almost the end of a work day.

But then…

"Fox! In my office now!"

Carmelita made her way over to Barkley's office to have her daily round of verbal abuse…how fun. She couldn't help but scratched under her chin and around her neck; the little critters seemed to have found a home there which pissed her off even more about today.

"I know we have a…situation at hand because of the moron who decided to bring his fleas from home". _You could say that again_, Carmelita thought to herself while bringing her hand up quickly to scratch before Barkley could catch her in the act.

Barkley himself at the moment was scratching his sides while mumbling a few profanity words. "But I need you to at least try you very best today, it seems like the Cooper gang may rear their heads again today and I need you to make sure what ever they are after is not stolen".

Barkley came to realize in the last few months, hell maybe years that the Cooper gang at this point was uncatchable. He finally stopped telling Carmelita to catch them and replace it with words like "stop them from stealing anything". At times Carmelita felt like trying to arrest them, but knew that if she did they would make off with what they sought after in the first place. _How motivating_.

"Where exactly do you think they will hit Chief". _Scratch scratch, scratch_.

"Well, we squeezed some information from a guy a few days ago", _scratch_, "And it seems like they are looking for some sort of map to a legendary Cooper fortune or something", _scratch_. "He said it was located in a canvas painting in the museum so I need you to head out that way as soon as possible". _Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch_, "Blasted Fleas! Just wait till I find out who they belong to!"

"You and me both chief" Carmelita growling as she opened his door to head towards the museum to stop that blasted raccoon.

"Oh, and Carmelita."

"Yeah Chief?"

"Seeing as how it is getting dark pretty soon, no you will not have enough time to buy a flea collar before heading towards the museum, I need you there pronto!"

Her ears began to twitch in anger. It would only take five minutes' tops to buy a collar! Was he trying to torture her?

"Fine chief".

Author's note: _And I will end there for today. I was going to make it a one-shot but, eh I got tired and will have to finish this fic later. Whew I have a lot of time on my hands these days. Hope you all enjoyed. _


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: _Ok here's part two, which is longer than the first! But read it to the end and you all will have a blast. Trust me *smiles* _

Carmelita made her way over to the museum as the sun began to slowly drift from the sky and the darkness began to spread over the horizon. She knew that the gang never pulled off a heist without it being completely dark outside.

Since she had maybe ten minutes until the museum closed and a local drug store was…conveniently located across the street, she decided to go against the chiefs orders and get her a flea collar to hide under her original one.

_Damn fleas will be the death of me, _she thought as she walked into the back of the store_. Scratch, scratch, scratch._ It seemed like her pesky invaders made there way from her neck down to her sides and back. She tried to keep her composure in the store knowing that no one wants to be around a flea infested person, it was like the flu; annoying and contagious.

Carmelita felt ashamed as she stood in the back of the store over by the flea and tick medicine. Never in her life had she thought it would come to this. The last time she'd ever had fleas was when she was five or six years old and that was because of some jerk at school never washed himself. But she always kept her fur clean and flea free since then.

She didn't know what to get, and just decided to pick the most expensive one that they had, she hadn't much time before it was completely dark.

Carmelita made her way to the front of the store where the clerk, a young feline, was stationed. Glancing around to make sure no one else saw her, she slowly put the flea collar on the table and dug in her pocket to make her purchase quickly. The feline behind the bullet proof vest looked up at her from her magazine, and sneered her nose up at Carmelita like she had a disease. _I thought this was a drug store, you mean to tell me that a freaking flea collar is nastier than foot fungus or vaginal cream!_ _Lousy cashier_, Carmelita growled. _Temper, temper Carmelita_. Bad enough she had to buy it, she didn't need anyone ridiculing her for having fleas for God's sake; wasn't even her fault.

As she made her way outside of the drug store and across the street, Carmelita took the blue collar out of the packaging and put it around her neck hidden behind her police collar. She needed to focus on her mission, which was to stop Cooper and his gang from stealing that canvas.

The guard outside of the museum, at the time, was packing up and closing the front doors before eventually leaving himself. Carmelita made her way up to the elder gentleman and flashed her badge.

"Good evening sir, I suspect that this museum will be infested with intruders and _scratch_ would like for you assistance _scratch_ in catching the perpetrators tonight" _scratch, scratch._ She raised her hand to scratcher her neck again, but slowly put her arm down to have self control over the situation. The elder pig gave her a funny look, but waved it off as nothing while he pulled out his radio to call for the other guards inside to stay for awhile.

_Scene change_

"Sly, Sly! Do you read me?"

"Yeah Bentley, loud and clear" said the infamous raccoon as he twirled his cane in amusement. After seeing McSweeny, Sly was more determined than ever to get that map to his family fortune. But finding it behind a canvas in a museum was like finding a needle in a hay stack.

"Alright Sly, according to McSweeny, certain clues will lead you to the real canvas that holds the map. But I need you to stay focus on this mission, and please do not pester a certain Inspector when she gets here".

"But Bentley, its all part of the job", he said playfully.

"Whatever Sly, if she actually hauls you off to jail this time, don't expect me to bust you out".

Murray assisted him on this mission to "keep him focused" and to take out any on coming guards. He was nervous to say the least but helped Sly find the clues McSweeny left behind.

"I found it Sly" Murray whispered. "But it looks like Inspector Fox knew where it was too, because she is guarding it".

Sly had a devilish grin on his face. Seems like the only plan that would work would be to distract Carmelita and have Murray take the canvas in their absence. He could also hear Bentley sighing and mumbling something knowing what Sly was up to. "No problem big guy. I'm going to distract Carmelita and lead her away from the canvas so you can take it and get back to Bentley."

Murray always feared for Sly's safety when it came to law enforcement. Even though Inspector Fox was fair, it would only be a matter of time before it all backfired on Sly but today he went with it. "Alright Sly, I will go hide and come out when the time is right".

Sly peered around the corner behind Carmelita while twirling his cane with excitement. For some reason, Carmelita kept raising and lowering her shoulder as if her shoulder was itching and then proceeded to try to move her arm down her back to scratch it. He could faintly hear her growling softy in annoyance of the itch she failed to scratch. Being the gentleman that he was, he couldn't refuse the beautiful fox her request so he extended his cane towards her back and proceeded to scratch her back with the sharp tip of his cane.

Sly could see a satisfied smirk appear on the foxes face before she realized someone was scratching her back for her. She then whirled around and fired her gun at him which he quickly dodged.

"Cooper!" Carmelita shouted as she ran to catch up with the perpetrator.

Sly ran as far as he needed to go to distract Carmelita and to make her think that the canvas on his back was the real one he was after. She might have guessed the right one but it was worth a try.

"So that's what I get after being a gentleman? What happened to the term you scratch my back and I scratch yours?"

"Oh I will scratch your back alright, _scratch_ right after I slap handcuffs on you" she hastily replied. She wouldn't let those fleas stop her from her job she just couldn't.

For a lack of better words, Carmelita appeared…really twitchy. Twitchier than usual, heck Sly never seen her scratch that much. He began to search around for a possible answer, and then finally found what he was looking for.

"What are you looking at criminal? Now drop your weapon". She was talking about his cane.

Sly peered over her shoulder quickly hoping she would turn around to see what he was looking at. Thankfully she did, which allowed Sly the opportunity of slapping her gun out of her hands and across the room.

He then pointed his cane at her and hooked it under her collar which she desperately tried to unhook. A huge grin appeared on his face when he spotted a little blue collar hiding under her original one.

"Carmelita…is that a…flea collar I see?" Sly at this moment was having a blast, he was in disbelief and amusement over that possibility but he had to hear it from her first.

"What I do or do not have is none of your business Cooper" she snapped as she finally unhooked the cane from under her collar. But Carmelita couldn't help it, the damn fleas started to retaliate and itch all over. _Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch_.

"So you DO have fleas then!" he couldn't help it. His favorite cop in the world, the one cop that tried to act perfect in everything that she did …had fleas! And now she was scratching her poor fur to death trying to get rid of those fleas.

"Aw sweetie, why didn't you tell me?" he said with a hurtful expression on his face. "If we are ever going to get anywhere in this relationship we have to communicate things like this. Think about the children" he finished while latching his arm over his eyes for a dramatic pose.

"Alright Cooper enough with the dramatic act _scratch, scratch_ give up the painting and things wont get rough". She took the bait of the poser painting Sly had strapped to him, but had no gun to threaten him with.

"Get rough, last time I checked Inspector, you don't have a gun. What are you going to do? Send your army of fleas after me?" Sly knew he struck a nerve and expected her to attack him out of anger. Which she did, but instead of attacking him, she jumped towards the thief and took his cane from him.

It seems the fleas began to swarm out of control over her body because she started to scratch her back and sides with the Cooper cane as if it were her own personal backscratcher. _Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch_.

Sly wanted to die of laughter, and shock at the moment. Never in his life, had he thought this day would come. A day Carmelita Montoya Fox not only had fleas, but used his cane to scratch the fleas away. _Best…day….ever_, Sly thought as he watched the scene deciding to stick around for more. He only wished he had something to record this historic day and to play over and over at his leisure. But instead he just decided to remember this day for the rest of his life.

Authors note: _whew that was fun. After seeing Sly scratching his own back with the cane from time the time on Sly 2, it was fun to write it in here. Hope you all enjoyed! Its not over yet for Carmelita…poor girl. _


End file.
